"Sorry we forgot to call you last night daddy". He's only seven for god's sake! It shouldn't be up to him to be apologising. The poor thing is going through enough turmoil without feeling guilty about not having spoken to me last night. Yes, I was hurt that my children hadn't called but the last thing I want to do is force myself on them.

they need to get used to the fact that I'm not going to be with them 24/7 anymore but they can call whenever they want .....or whenever they are allowed.

Friends keep telling me that I ought to be harder and exercise my rights as their father, but what is that going to do to our future relationship? They need to see me fighting for them, not over them. As long as I can show that I am trying, the truth will out.

I have a real dread feeling about this weekend. I think it is going to hit me that I'm not going to see the kids. At least I will be spending it with some great friends who are sensitive to what is happening, and if nothing else want to distract me from what is going on.

Talking of friends, I never believed the adage of you get to know your real friends in times of adversity. Out of all the 'friends' I have had, and there were many, only a handful have stuck by me and t o be fair they have also equally been there for my ex-wife, but then that is when a real friendship shows itself, transcending whatever we do and being there regardless.

Yes, I left my wife for someone else. Yes my children were devastated. did I also mention that during all of this she was diagnosed with cancer? And I still left ...

How do you like me now?

A little word about my true friends then. Next to my girlfriend they are the people who have kept me grounded, who have kicked me in the pants when I was unreasonable, who have welcomed me when I have been unbearable and who I feel I can turn to at any time. They have their opinion of my actions but it doesn't get in the way of our friendship. They are the first to tell me I'm being an arse, but equally so they would do the same with my ex-wife. Cosy isn't it? Not really. These people have compromised relationships to be supportive and I don't think I could ever repay that.

I hope the kids are ok at their new school. Its their first day. Are they going to make new friends.. Of course they are. Who couldn't not like them. Lump in the throat moment.

Apparently my son is very angry with me. How much of that is his mother's voice. I know she wouldn't consciously turn the children against me but she must be hurting, and flippant comments could be taken the wrong way.

I am constantly beibg accused of being to soft and compliant with her. I wish people would understand that though I have no regrets about what I have done there is still a sense of guilt that I have turned someones world upside down. I have to show some sensitivity. I'm not that much of a bastard.

There's primary school opposite my office. Its lovely to hear the children playing. I wish mine were there. I'd stand at my window and watch them all day.

This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, especially as I have to be equally if not more sensitive to my new partner. I know she gets frustrated with how I deal with my ex-wife.

"You sound like a beaten man"
"Why don't you stick up for yourself?"
"It annoys me she calls you at the office and you take her calls"

She has to understand that the one thing I will not do is pick a fight for the sake of it. I will be civil, and I will deal with this in a dignified manner. It will not turn into open warfare.

What I do now effects what happens in the future. I have done everything that has been asked of me and have not been at all obstructive. Am I naive in thinking this will set me in good stead for future demands?

So here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place. An ex-wife who is frustrated by the turn of events and a girlfriend who is frustrated by the situation. What's that I hear? I know, I did bring it upon myself, but I'm only human so indulge me a dip in self pity creek.

At least I have the children (in spirit at least) and the support of my friends.