What on earth has my liver ever done to deserve the punishment I have put it through recently? Friday and Saturday night you could have drowned me me a hundred times over in the amount I had to drink.
So what was the occassion? I really don't know. Sometimes you just need to let go and be stupid. I think the constant pressure of the upcoming divorce and looking for a new job just caught up with me and I needed a release.
In high spirits this weeks. Am going to see the children next weekend and they are staying with me, albeit in a hotel, but its a huge step forward and I can't begin to explain how it has made me feel. I am genuinely excited.
I really hope this is a turning point.
Its really easy to get caught up in the moment and let it pull you down. I think I've been doing too much of that. I hate the phrase, but I need to think bigger picture. There is light at the end of the tunnel, my children will always have a relationship with me, I will be financialy secure, Kylie Minogue will return my calls (maybe not, but here's hoping). I don't think of myself as brooding and am not the sort of person that would dwell on something, but of late it seems to me that I have stalled and stopped moving forward.
It felt like a had a heavy weight tied around me, and I think it was me reconcilling the fact that the children were going to move away. Now they have and I hear how happy they are at their new school and how many new friends they have made, I know they're going to be ok. Despite my relationship with their mother, theirs is fantastic, and they are lucky to have her and no-one in the world could replace her. Is that unfair of me to say? What about my girlfriend if they ever meet? In my mind they could build a fantastic relationship, and I'm sure they will but there is a special bond that can never be replicated.
Much to my bewilderment I feel calmer and a lot less stressed about things. I don't feel that tight ball of frustration welling in my chest anymore when speaking with my ex-wife.
I start my new job next week, which I am looking forward to. Am in the blur of writing handover notes to whoever is unlucky enough to be sat in my chair when I am gone. Good job, no real support or resource. How many of us know that one? I'm going to have a two hour commute but as long as I can sleep on the train and the guy next to me doesn't smell of Red Bull or snore too loudly then things will be ok.
Things are certainly looking up.....now did I remember to turn the gas off this morning?